Snubbing The Shield

I don't want to admit that I watch a ton of television. Growing up, that was everything we railed against as the defining moment in life when you really had lost that lovin' feeling, the point in your life's career that you had decided there just wasn't that much more to life than staring at the pixelated screen in front of your coffee table. Gone were the days of getting drunk, smoking pot and playing guitar until dawn. Gone were the walks through the neighborhood with the dog. Trips to Europe, skydiving, whitewater rafting, snowboarding, reading, writing, living, loving, life...it was gone once the television watching became a pastime. However, I have become a watcher of television.

I must say that, looking back, we were misguided. Watching television was more of an active denouncement of our parents' habits than a fear of losing touch with life itself. Hell, thinking back on all the countless hours I spent stoned out of my mind, watching quality television would have been an improvement to trying to see moving spirals in my Alice in Wonderland poster while hopped up on LSD. A good episode of The Wire tops those memoires emensely.

This brings me to today's anouncemnet of the 2009 Emmy Awards. Television has come a long way from nights spent with mom and dad watching Dynasty and Dallas. Now we have shows like Weeds and Entourage to look forward to on weekday nights. It's Always Sunny in Philly has caused me to pee a little on numerous occasions, while Rescue Me always has me dreading the end of our 60 minutes together. True Blood, Nurse Jackie, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Breaking Bad, Big Love, Damages, Six Feet Under, Eastbound and Down, Generation Kill...the list of beautiful and gut-wrenching television goes on and on.

With all the amazing television out on a seemingly endless selection of channels, I would imagine it would be hard to narrow the field down when considering shows and actors that deserve Emmy nominations. That being said, today's list of nominees was glaringly missing a final curtain call for one of the most provacative, daring, and undeniably groundbreaking pieces of programming in television history.

Season 1 of FX's The Shield premiered on March 12, 2002 and immediately changed the landscape of what basic cable could bring viewers. Sure, HBO had been breaking the mold in regards to pushing the boundaries, and Six Feet Under had just wrapped its first full season, but it wasn't until The Shield brought its gritty brand of documentary-style handheld recording, language, and graphic depictions of inner-city crime and police corruption to FX that producers, writers, and networks began to reconceptualize creative content.

Furthermore, creator/writer Shawn Ryan, series star Michael Chiklis and co-star Walton Goggins (the two men whose character relations provided the arc for the entire series) got better with age - something very few programs (I'm talking to YOU Grey's Anatomy) can hope to achieve.

The Shield ended the series this past year with its 7th Season, a beautiful and heart-breaking collection of one-hour episodes that culminated with the murder/suicide of Shane Vendrell's family (Walton Goggins) and Vic Mackey (Michael Chiklis) forsaking everything around him to keep himself out of prision. The finale was executed perfectly, with Chiklis all but guaranteeing himself a Emmy nod with his overwhelming — and completely silent — performance as the realization that his character would forever be strapped to a desk, ostracized from the police force and his wife and children as a direct result of his decisions. It was easily the most mesmerizing ten minutes of television I had ever seen. The final season of The Shield was recognized by the American Film Institue as one of the 10 best TV programs of the year along with Breaking Bad, In Treatment, John Adams, Lost, Life, Mad Men, The Office, Recount and The Wire.

Of these television shows, The Shield is the most deserved of the recognition and priase, yet is one of the most overlooked programs in television history. Rent it. Buy it. Do whatever you can to wtiness the evolution of television, the birth of Michael Chiklis the bonified dramatic star, the rebirth of Glenn Close (who, unfortunately, time had forgotten), the remarkable acting chops of Anthony Anderson as the unflinchingly cold and calculated Antwon Mitchell, the hauningly intense work of Forrest Whitaker (the role grants him tremendous respect), and the dozens of other amazingly well-written and exceptionally acted characters who piece the 7 season story together. I, for one, was sad to see it go and even sadder that one of the best series in television history was but a small and passable blip on the Academy of Television Arts and Science's radar.

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Trying To Stay Day-to-Day Has Its Challenges...

There are hundreds of excuses as to why I haven't been able to keep up my pledge to post daily here at One Day In Culture. I could say it's because I'm lazy, but that honestly seems like the cowardly way out...because...as all who know me know...I'm not the lazy type. I could blame it on women, which would be an excuse to write home and tell my Dad about...but things have been pretty slow in that neck of the woods and would ultimately be a lie.

Music? Nope. The recording industry has been complete shit for the past few months. When Maxwell is the best thing that comes out in a given week you know the music business is having itself quite a dry spell. (To Maxwell: No offense. But R&B just ain't what it used to be.)

Books? Nahhh...I dropped out of Book Club months ago and school doesn't start till August.
Sports? Well I did go to a baseball game on the 4th...
Movies? Not unless you count going to see Ice Age 2 in 3D as a movie, which you shouldn't.

No, I believe I can blame only one person for the recent lack in my productivity — Jimmy Fallon.

Damn you Jimmy Fallon with your blend of quirk-dry humor and impeccable hairline. You've made late night television a fun place to be again. Slow-jamming the news with a genius idea for a house band — The Roots. Playing "Lick it for Ten" where you've had everyone from Drew Barrymore to random audience members lick something completely random for $10. Every band you have on the show, Jimmy, sounds like they're owed a Grammy...including Asher Roth, whose "Be By Myself" — backed by The Roots — was one of the best live performances I've ever seen on television. You're reality television show, "7th Floor West," is hilarious, as was Beer Pong with Betty White. And Kudos to you for having Anne Hathaway on your show to play guitar...even though she was awful, she was scorching hot doing it.

I stay awak at nights thinking about how much fun it would be to host your television show. Will Farrell doing skits with you, playing Wii Tiger Woods against the real Tiger Woods, having audience members come up to play Rush Limbaugh Kareoke....It's all just so unbelieveably brilliant, unpretentious and fun. And did I mention The Roots? It is way past the time in music history when the rest of the world was introduced to not only the best band in Hip-Hop, but perhaps all of music. Their performance of "I Got Over," was indescribeable. In case you missed it:



See Jimmy! See why I stay awake watching your show? See why I'm up until 1am every night regardless of two weeks of reruns and can't get up before 10am? I blame you Jimmy Fallon, for giving us all a reason to ditch sleep in an effort to belly laugh till dawn. I want your life Jimmy Fallon...and you're remarkable hairline. Read more!

The Ink Is On My Checks, My Rolex Is The Freshest...

After we watch, let us discuss:



I have a friend here in Denver who expresses his displeasure with something by decrying, "Oh my God, that just gave me a rash." And, if something like the thought of having to go to the mall to do some shopping on a Sunday afternoon gives him a rash, what we just witnessed gives me a form of diaper dermatitis, only, I don't have a diaper, and I've just crapped my pants.

Unbeknownst to most of the working world, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (known in the teen-land as Speidi...now I think I might vomit) arose from the bowls of reality television in 2006 on a show I never saw called The Hills. Mrs. Montag-Pratt, unfortunately, was born in Crested Butte, Colorado in 1986. And what might even be more unfortunate than that she didn't stay where the good Lord made her. Mr. Pratt, on the other hand, was born under a bridge, a horrible experiment brought about when casting agent Matthew Steiner aspired to create a new breed of action hero by splicing the DNA found in "Marky" Mark Wahlburg's dead skin with the public hair of Ray Romano. What Mr. Steiner intended to create was a much more jovial action star, one who was free from the haunting burden behind many of Mr. Wahlburg's characters. What Mr. Steiner created, by adding too many Romano short and curlys, was a complete and utter douche bag. When these two degenerate strains on the gene pool found each other on one of TV's most idiotic moments, it was love at first spite — regardless of the detriment to society.

"Speidi" encapsulates yet another level of American cultural horror. I would assume, although I have yet to ask, that most high school students are fairly associated with this dynamic duo. The premiere of season 4 of The Hills took in 2.1 million viewers aged 12-34 and on June 2, MTV aired a very successful episode titled, "Speidi's Wedding Unveiled." The couple is tabloid royalty, and they're damned proud of it.

In an ongoing effort to enhance American culture while debunking the instant celebrity status to unabashed and untalented young men and women born with no moral compass, here is a list of 10 people (5 Montags and 5 Pratts) that would actually prove to be a benefit if the American public had ever heard of them. Print this out and spread it around, we may only hope to enlighten...

• Guy Montag — The main character in Ray Bradbury's classice 1953 novel, Fahrenheit 451, Montag makes his living honorably as a fireman burning books for the government until he begins to understand his role as a thought suppressor. If American teenagers knew this Montag, that might mean that A) they were reading and B) they could understand Bradbury's commentary on the destruction of American society through television and violence.
  
• Charles Pratt — An American entreprenuer and philanthropist, Pratt founded the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn in 1887. Among the first to understand the need for petrolium replacements for whale oil, he also was a leader in academic education and today the Pratt Institute is one of the leading arts colleges in the United States offering classes in architecture, fashion, illustration, interior design, digital arts and creatve writing.
• Louis A. Montag — In 1945, this Georgian began Atlanta's first independant financial advisory firm.
  
• Philip W. Pratt — In 1872, Pratt invented and patented the first automatic sprinkler system for fire prevention. Students everywhere who didn't study for their math exams rejoiced.
• Dr. Mildred Montag — From 1943-1948, this Montag served Adelphi College as the first director of the School of Nursing. She was a visionary nurse educator whose innovative research and teaching led to a wholesale expansion of the nursing profession and brought countless benefits to the health and well-being of generations to come.
  
• Charlie Pratt — An self-taught American Indian contemporary bronze sculptor of Cheyenne and Arapahoe descent.
• Bob Montag — As a player for the Atlanta Crackers in 1954, Montag hit what he claimed was the longest home run in baseball history. It landed in a coal car passing on the railroad tracks beyond the right field fence at Ponce de Leon park. A few days later, the train had gone to Nashville, Tennessee and back. The conductor asked Montag to autograph the ball, which by that time had traveled more than 500 miles.
• William Henry Pratt — You know him by his stage name, Boris Karloff. His role as The Monster in the 1931 film, Frankenstein, made Karloff (not Pratt) a household name. Karloff was also a charter member of the Screen Actors' Guild.
• Jacob Sammuel Pratt, III — Egged on by a dare in 1993, this Kentucky native once fit three Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers into his mouth at the same time, then chewed and swallowed without a beverage.
• Sara Beth Montag — The most flexible girl in her high school, Sara Beth Montag sang her favorite song, Rhianna's Disturbia, in front of a crowd of 72 during last year's Houston, Texas Livestock Show and Rodeo. She won a 3rd Place trophy and a $25 gift certificate to Gabby's Ribs and BBQ's Telephone Road location.
  

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